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Polyamory Probably Isn’t for You, and That’s Okay

Polyamory Probably Isn’t for You, and That’s Okay

signs polyamory isn't for you
You want the sweet embrace of only one person, we get it.

My man is her man is your man is her man — or whatever Sza said.

In this Tinder age, relationships are what you make them. Like anything else, relationships operate on a spectrum. Things won’t always be black and white, and there are many types of relationships that are widely recognized and honored today — open relationships and swingers to name a few.

Outside of deciding whether or not you’re into being polyamorous, you should keep in mind that all relationships should always have a level of respect. Consent is a must, and boundaries do not dissipate when you’re seeing multiple people. Within a polyamorous relationship, you could still be considered a cheater if you trample on the rules your partner sets in place. For instance, your partner may be okay with you having multiple sexual partners, but connecting with someone else emotionally may be crossing the line.

All possibilities accounted for, polyamory may or may not be for you. We’re here to give all the deets on whether or not you were made for polygamy from conception, or if you could veer into the vast, unknown place worth exploring that is polyamorous relationships.

What is a polyamorous relationship?

Polyamory is the act of being in multiple emotional and intimate relationships, with the consent of all parties involved. In a polyamorous relationship, everyone is aware that there are multiple partners involved.

There are different types of polyamorous relationships. Some types include a group marriage, in which all partners involved agree that they want to be equally commited to each other for life, with no partner hierarchy involved. All partners are considered primary partners. This completely differs from a “V” type relationship in which one person is the most favored in the relationship, naturally making them the center of the relationship.

Why do people get into polyamorous relationships?

Sometimes in unfortunate cases, people may agree to be polyamorous with a partner to ensure that that partner does not leave them. They hope that the relationship will get more serious, and talks of polyamory will go out the window when their partner snaps back to reality and decides they are the one.

Some people are trying to bridge a gap that is created when there are unbalanced sexual drives in a relationship, while others use it as a way to mask their sex addictions.

Some people have simply had terrible experiences with monogamy, be it being cheated on, or not being able to handle the monotony that sometimes is unfortunately a symptom of a monogamous relationship.

Do polyamorous relationships last longer than monogamous relationships?

The length of a polyamorous relationship can vary just like a monogamous relationship. Each individuals temperament and patterns should be taken into consideration when trying to determine the potential length of any relationship. There are arguments that could be made for each side. For instance, it can be said that polyamorous relationships may not last long enough due to the complex nature and volume of people involved. People can also defend monogamy by citing how some people may stay together in an attempt to keep the image of a nuclear family going for their children.

Either way it goes, you cannot determine the length of a relationship solely based on whether it is polyamorous or monogamous. There are several factors to consider.

Signs that polyamory isn’t for you:

You feel like you’re cheating

When you’re with one of your beau’s, you can’t help but think about how the other would feel about your multiple connections. Would they be jealous? Or better yet, would you be jealous if you caught a glimpse of the way they were serenading one of their conquest?

Polyamary is defined by being able to be with multiple people without worrying that someone’s feelings will get seriously hurt, or egos will be damaged. If you’re spending more time thinking about the damage your connection could do, than blossoming it, you probably don’t need to be with John, Jimmy and Jaime simultaneously.

You can’t keep up with all your partners

Sarah just got an amazing promotion at work. Or was it Jan? Who did you tell to remind you to take out the trash again? If you’re flustered keeping up with multiple people’s lives, chances are you’re a one person type of person. Though there are benefits of polyamory, you should remember that it is very possible to feel burnt out from satisfying and meeting the emotional needs of multiple partners at once.

You’re dating with the hope that you end up with one partner for life

Are you a starry eyed lover? Someone who low-key has old school dating habits despite trying to convince yourself that more than one partner is the way to go? Either is fine, poly or not poly, but if you’re dreaming of a picket fence with kids and one particular person talking your ear off when you burn the pot roast, you may be looking for a polygamous relationship. Reavaluate your reasons for wanting a polyamorous relationship. You might find that you’re looking to explore deep, meaningful relationships with multiple people at once with the hope to eventually shortlist the people you’re dating.

You can’t keep up with the sexual responsibility of getting tested

Hook up culture calls for frequent testing. The same applies to polyamorous relationships. There is a responsibility that comes with having sex with multiple partners that should be considered when engaging in sexual activities with multiple partners. Another thing to consider is the cost that could come with testing depending on how you go about it, and whether or not your insurance is willing to cover this testing.

Whether or not you decide you’re polyamorous, the most important thing is that you have open communication with your partner. Make sure you have the same values, and are on the same page in regard to your expectations in your relationship. Clear communication is a full proof way to ensure that no one gets hurt.

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